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Posts Tagged ‘Allan Hardman

Photo by Wendy Warren Varga

Photo by Wendy Warren Varga

“What could be more perfect than to respond to the Universe exactly as you are, as you feel, as you think, and through what you want? To live for what you like, and what you are attracted to. To take action towards those things. To avoid those things you are repelled by. Can you imagine the beautiful life you would live?” ~ Allan Hardman

Photo by Wendy Warren Varga

Photo by Wendy Warren Varga

“What has been done can be undone. You came into this world free to know and express the truth of your feelings. You can return to this reality, which the Toltecs call, “heaven on Earth.” It is the absolute knowing of your perfection as an expression of the “divine” in every action and every moment. In this heaven there is no judgment, and there are no expectations that you be any different than you are. This heaven on Earth is a place of peace and joy, and it lives inside of you. It is not given to you by anyone, and cannot be taken away by anyone or any event. ~ Allan Hardman, from The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book

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Photo by Wendy Warren Varga

“All relationships are based on agreements. The largest percentage of those agreements are usually unconscious and unspoken. In order to create relationships that serve the highest good of individuals and society, I suggest that we must create new agreements that are conscious, spoken, and based on integrity and self love.” ~ Allan Hardman,

~ by Allan Hardman


Photo by Allan Hardman

New Agreement #1:
“Your nature is Love. You are the source of Love in your life.”

Allan Hardman

Allan Hardman

You came into this world through Love, as Love, being Love. You were the manifestation of Life itself. You came here knowing no fear, no judgment, no conditions, and had no expectations. You simply WERE. In order to gain the acceptance of parents, teachers, playmates, and religious leaders, you learned to deny your truth and accept theirs. The first truth you had to deny was the truth that you were and ARE Love.

But when you were growing up, you agreed that others were the source of love, and that you had to bargain for that love. Love became a commodity that lived outside of yourself, you needed it to survive, and you had to be good and get it right in order to assure your share of the precious commodity.

If you believe that love is a commodity that lives outside of yourself, and that you have to be good or get it right to earn and receive that love from someone, you will suffer. There will always be the undercurrent of fear— the fear that you will not be good enough or will not do it right enough. Even in the moment of receiving love, there is the fear that you will do something to lose it. In that fear, you are not open to actually fully receive the love that you have worked so hard to deserve.

You came into this Life as Love, as Life itself. Even though you were required to agree otherwise, it is still true. It was never the truth that love was a commodity outside of you. In order to enter what I call, “The New Relationship,” you must break this old agreement. You must release the need for the love from the outside, you must stop bargaining for your supply, and you must stop offering your love as a bargain to others who are searching for their supply. It does not serve you, and it is a dream of love based on a lie.

Try out this new agreement: “My nature is Love. I am the source of Love in my life.” Today, instead of going into your world looking for sources of love, attention, or appreciation, try going out there wondering where you can share YOUR love. How many ways can you say “I love you” to your Beloved and all of Creation today?

Ultimately, relationship is not about two or more people interacting, but it is the dance of Love recognizing itself.

New Agreement #2
“You are not responsible for other people’s
emotional reactions to your reality.”

When a parent says to a child: “You make me so angry when you spill your milk! Why won’t you pay attention to what you are doing!!??” the message is clear. The child learns that they have the power to make the parent angry, and it is not good to make the parent angry, so they must do and be different than they are— which in this case means “paying attention” (whatever that is!). You were taught that it is bad to hurt other people’s feelings, to be selfish by taking the last cookie (1/2 of the cookie seems to be OK), or to act in ways that make people angry. You learned to bargain away your integrity and emotional truth to protect the feelings of others. You agreed to create responses in them that assured you that you were worthy of receiving your share of the love commodity.

Agreement #2 challenges all of these “rules.” It affirms that you are not capable of creating emotional reactions in other people. At the core of this new agreement is the understanding that we are all “dreaming,” and that each of us interprets reality in our own way. Every one’s emotional reactions arise from their interpretations and assumptions, not directly from the actions of others. You cannot create emotional reactions in others, and they cannot create emotion reactions in you. You release your illusion of control over other people’s emotional reactions, and trust them to deal with their own emotional realities.

The corollary to this agreement is: “You ARE responsible for YOUR emotional reactions to other people’s reality.” You accept that your interpretations of reality– the stories in your dreaming mind– create your emotional responses, and you take full responsibility for them. You no longer blame others for hurting or betraying you, nor do you believe that others can make you happy. In The New Relationship, the partners are free to be who they are and feel what they feel, and they respect each other’s capacity to honor and embrace their own emotions. They do not manipulate their integrity in the name of taking care of their beloved.

New Agreement #3:
“Being the source of love, you are complete within yourself.”

Many of us learned, as children, to deny or disown parts of ourselves in order to earn the love and acceptance that we needed to survive. These disowned parts of the self we pushed into the “shadow,” and those aspects of the self that were acceptable became the personality.

If you were criticized for being lazy, you might have become very industrious. If you were shamed for being messy, you may have adapted by becoming exceedingly neat. If your feelings were rejected, perhaps you learned to deny them and to be very intellectual and thoughtful. Whatever the strongest (and most defended) aspects of your personality are, you will probably find a corresponding part that has been disowned because of the judgment of others.

The soul longs for a reunion of these wounded parts, and searches the world for them, in the hope of reunion. Finding those lost parts of the self in another person can be very familiar, and exciting. If the other person also recognizes their split off parts of themselves in you, you may know each other as the instant remedy for the emptiness within.

The unfortunate truth is that by projecting the lost parts of yourself on to another person, what you are falling in love with is yourself. Thus, there is no resistance nor boundaries to this love reunion. The experiences of “Love at First Sight” and discovering a “Soul Mate” arise from this mistaken belief that something lost inside can be found outside.

When you recognize that you are complete within yourself, and you know you are the source of love in your life, you are able to see people for who they truly are. You build your relationships on that reality. The compatibility in your relationships comes from common interests and values, rather than from the attractions of “Mutually Compatible Disowned Selves.”

New Agreement #4:
“The Truth is more important than the outcome of the Relationship.”

This agreement is only for the brave of heart. The old agreements about relationships insist that you should often sacrifice your truth or integrity in order to take care of our partner’s feelings. In the old system, when you believed that you could create emotional responses in others, and believed that those responses were your responsibility, it was important to create the appropriate response. You were taught that to hurt other people’s feelings was bad, and to make them happy was good.

In order to create the appropriate responses, you learned to be aware of what other people wanted and needed from you, and to change your reality in order to give it to them. If they had “good” emotional reactions to you, then the feedback you received was that you were are good person. The fear of being a “bad” person is the fear of rejection and abandonment, based on the old belief that the source of love, comfort, and survival lies outside of you (see New Agreement #1).

When you modify or deny your truth in order to satisfy the need of another, we could say that you are creating a false self to be in relationship with them. If they use the same agreements, they will create a false self to be in relationship with you– or, more accurately your false self. The relationship then becomes two (actually many more) false selves, manipulating their feelings, responses, and integrity in order to be accepted by each other.

If you are relating in this way, you may have said or thought; “I just don’t seem to feel very connected to my partner/ work/ friends/ life.” Perhaps that is because it is your false selves that are living your life, not you.

In The New Relationship, you know that you are the source of Love, not your partner, friends, or work. You know that you can not control how other people dream you, and their emotional reactions to you. You are not holding on to anyone because you believe that they complete you, and that if you lost them it would rip out your soul and break your heart forever. You are willing to show up and be yourself, in the truth and integrity of who you are, without being attached or trying to control the outcome.

In The New Relationship, you and your partner agree that each of your feelings, your reality, and your truth are the most important aspects of the relationship. You are willing to risk living as your true self, and let the relationship grow and change accordingly. By not being attached to the outcome of any relationship, you learn to trust that all outcomes are perfect for you– they are not failures or successes, and have nothing to do with your value or worthiness.

In the past, we have put our faith in our ability to control outcomes, to control other people’s emotional reactions with our careful behavior, and hold onto love. With this new agreement, we are willing to put our faith in Life itself, trusting that if we live Life as who we came here to be, Life will unfold in front of us as a perfect expression of who we are.

If you are Life, and you live guided by the integrity that arises in you as Life, then you will find that the Life you are resonates with those aspects of Life in the world that are perfect for you. Your partnerships, work, friendships and relationships with all of Creation will resonate with the deepest parts of who you are, and reflect back to you that perfection.

Live life as you, show up in all of your relationships as who you are– especially your relationship with yourself. Let go of your attachment to the outcomes, and put your faith in Life. You will be very happy.

New Agreement #5:
“True happiness is the result of love coming out of you.”

Knowing that your nature is Love itself, you discover a happiness that cannot be taken away from you. You are not concerned with how your love is received, because it is your loving, as an expression of your Divine nature, that fills you. Your only desire is to love all of Creation, to see its perfection, and to know and love yourself as a reflection of that perfection. You New Relationship is based on this love. You are free to love without conditions or expectations. You are free.

Allan Hardman’s website:

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~ by Jessica McKay


“You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That’s what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth – everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you. This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all directions.”

~ Osho Zen Tarot 

My teacher Allan walked beside me through the Plaza of the Butterflies in the Toltec pyramids at Teotihuacán, Mexico. The day was ending, and our group was making their way back to the hotel for an evening meal.

Allan, a “Toltec Master” and spiritual teacher, had invited me to teach alongside him on this trip, and I spent the day pretending to be happy and at peace so I would look like the enlightened guide I wanted to be, but inside I felt troubled and sad. My life wasn’t turning out the way I’d anticipated or hoped. I couldn’t find my place in the world and felt jealous of the people around me, especially if they were married or in a committed relationship. I was likewise envious of anyone who made a good living from a successful career. I couldn’t seem to keep a regular job for very long, and was always dissatisfied, always yearning. After a long silence, as if reading my thoughts, Allan stopped walking and turned to face me.

“Jessica?” His blue eyes shone with that intense fire they always had when he was in the presence of absolute Truth.


“You are never going to have the kind of life that other people have, and you wouldn’t want it if you did.” He had my whole attention, and I stared, speechless.

“You can’t compare yourself to other people and say, ‘Oh, I wish I had a life like theirs. Why can’t it be simple like theirs?’” He drew close and put his hands on my shoulders, the brims of our hats touching. “The answer is, because you came here to be you, not someone else. You can’t be wishing for something you can’t have. Your life is not going to be simple or easy. It may not even be comfortable sometimes.”

“It’s never comfortable anytime!” I shouted, insulted at the idea that there were things I just “couldn’t have,” – like a well-paying, mainstream job that I didn’t hate – though I was gathering pretty good evidence in my daily experience that Allan was right.

“Perhaps it’s not comfortable because you resist the truth of your destiny. You try to make things happen that can’t happen because they’re not your destiny. You’re awake, and you live among a sea of people that are unconscious and asleep. You can’t make them conscious and you can’t make yourself go to sleep.” He paused. “And you’re okay.” 

Teotihuacán ~ Photo by Allan Hardman

Teotihuacán ~ Photo by Allan Hardman

I shrugged. “I’m okay, I’m just alone.”

“Yes.” He replied, without hesitation or pity. “That’s one of the challenges of the awakened “spiritual warrior.” To be alone, surrounded by people that are shopping, going to the mall and watching TV, talking about their favorite TV programs, dressing in the latest styles and buying all the latest technologies. The warrior’s challenge is to be surrounded by that culture and know she doesn’t belong to it. You’re like a ghost walking through the world and seeing all the people but they don’t see you. They don’t know you’re there, really. They can’t hear you. Only other ghost warriors can hear you. And there aren’t very many of us yet. So part of your warrior passage is to come to terms with that and accept it as the truth of life for you. There’s really nothing you can do about it. You might consciously seek out other warriors however you can, but you can’t make yourself fit into the life of our culture.”

“No,” I admitted, tears streaming down my face. “I guess not.” Allan held me as I cried, recalling jobs, classrooms, and relationships where I struggled to be different than I was so I could belong.

Clouds were moving in for a late afternoon shower, and groups of school children were making their way out of the pyramid complex.

“Jessica,” Allan placed the palm of one hand on my cheek. “You’re here to light the way for a lot of other people, not because they need it or because you have to, but because it’s who you came here to be. If you can accept that and go into the world that way, you’ll attract other warriors and you will not feel so alone. Better yet, instead of being a human alone in the midst of other humans, recognize yourself as that spiritual Divine Presence which is the One Thing. Step into that experience of being everything and you’ll never feel alone.”

“Come on,” he said, taking my hand. “Let’s go have dinner.”


Jessica and Allan at the Plaza of the Butterflies in Teotihuacán, Mexico

Have you been denying the truth of who you are to “fit in?” There is no need. You do fit in, right here, right now, wherever you showed up in the world. The whole of existence needs you. Without you, the universe could not be.

Allan Hardman, my teacher in the above story, will be joining me as a special guest on my radio show, “You’re Already Psychic ~ Tools to Strengthen your Intuition, Follow Your Divine Guidance and Live a Joy-Filled Life.” Please join us on Wednesday, October 16 at 6 PM PST/9 PM EDT. This is a call-in show, and I’ll be doing one-question intuitive readings for anyone who calls in with a question. For details on how to call in and participate, (cost is free) click here.

~ by Sarah McCroskey

Recently I came upon a part within me that surfaces, painfully, from time to time with a nagging refrain, “Maybe I’m doing it wrong” or sometimes more urgently, “I must be doing it wrong!”

Ugh!  Still?  Haven’t I been committed to a path of awakening long enough to be free of that!??  Evidently not, but you know, I’m finding that it’s really okay.  Just another in the series of breadcrumbs or ore realizations, I set out for myself when I concocted this soul-journey, this current incarnational adventure.

Of course it surfaces painfully.  Would I wade in deeply enough to find the treasure within it if I wasn’t viscerally compelled to heal it?

This particular “ouchy” became apparent to me when I was listening to a broadcast on the HumanSpirit Radio Network called Living in Conscious Relationship with host Allan Hardman.  Someone had asked Allan a question and Allan was coaching this person past their automatic response into a deeper realization regarding the subject at hand.  No matter the subject, what I noticed is that I was energetically/emotionally cringing on behalf of the person being coached.  They, by the way, were fine with the coaching, while I was cringing!

This is when I recognized this piece that surfaces when I become defensive or think/judge that I “should know something” when I don’t.  “I must be doing it wrong.”  This interpretation evokes within me a feeling of deep shame and feeling cornered.

Hmmm.  I wrote down the phrase “I’m doing it wrong” and since then, I’ve been exploring…in a natural, curious way, how does this operate in me.

The obvious childhood stuff was apparent once again, of being the youngest girl in a family of four bright, precocious children competing for what appeared to be a scarcity of attention, validation and love.  But, God! Haven’t I been over that before?!!

What grips me is how does this dynamic live on in me? The family version is over.  Who’s judging who now?

A week later, as I was driving, I became inspired to allow a conversation to occur within me, between my Spirit self (expansive, big picture holder) and my ego self, which shed a lot of light on how this “I’m doing it wrong” lives on.

I asked the ego self, “Is there anything you’d like to say?” To which it replied, “Yes! I feel blamed for everything you don’t like or judge as bad.” 

I was surprised and began to feel that even the name “ego” had an ugly edge to it for me.  I said, “Would you like a new name?” and she said, “Yes, Little Light.”

This completely broke the ice and I found myself honoring and conversing with this part of me in an absolutely new way.  I was endeared to her!  This initiated the sweetest of healings, a true integration process, as I began to develop a rapport with this part of me…the one who held the key to “I’m doing it wrong.”  That’s exactly the way she felt, because that was what I told her over and over again (along with energetically walling her off to the best of my ability – not recommended…or very effective).

As I’m choosing to listen to these aspects, lending them my voice and hearing “their” perspective, I am finding richness and awareness, a texture of being, where before there was a raw separation within my Self.  Rather than labeling them (ego, Judge, fearful child…) and unwittingly making them repositories for thoughts, feelings and reactions I wish I didn’t have or feel powerless over, I am listening to the diversity of experience, perspective and opinion within me.

The healing this is bringing is deep and poignant. The sense of freedom is palpable as each voice is invited to express, reveal, and be honored.

For separation is tricky this way.  Whatever we say is “not us” or judge negatively, on the inside or the outside, becomes the “other” to project upon. 

A huge aspect of “the mystery of the world” gets resolved here.  “Good/bad, right/wrong, should exist, shouldn’t exist” are the dualities I have generated within me.  And if I can’t stand the heat of the battle as it rages within me – I simply externalize it.

We knew when we arrived here that we were Wholeness Itself – an Unlimited Creator Being.  We just got talked out of it.  We bought what our parents bought, and their parents bought – for countless generations. 

There’s traction here as we drop our, now internalized, conditioning. For if I can love and allow each and every part of me, I can assure you, I’ll be much easier on you!

Healing the separation within and loving our “selves” back to Wholeness?  Well, it just may heal our world. 


Copyright © 2013 Sarah McCroskey. All Rights Reserved. 

HumanSpirit Radio Network is committed to bringing you positive and uplifting content (almost) every day. For more information on our free radio broadcasts:, for one-on-one sessions with Sarah:

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